A Pound of Flesh

It felt like March 5th would never come and then when it was close at hand I wanted to do anything to postpone it. I spent that morning at the gym trying to work out any anxiety that I could then met Jeffrey on the Upper West Side at Holy Trinity Church for Ash Wednesday service. We were the only ones in there at the time and I really appreciated that we could sit alone and pray. During the imposition of ashes it is customary to say "remember you are dust and to dust you shall return." Message heard loud and clear!
We went home to spend a little time together. Jeff managed to lull me into a cat nap much in the way a parent puts down a reluctant toddler, wrapping himself around me so that I could melt into him. It worked brilliantly and we made our way to Lenox Hill Hospital in as calm a state as possibly could be expected.
The day prior a rep from the hospital had called and told me that I'd be checking in on the first floor then would be sent to the 3rd floor to Nuclear Medicine before heading up to Surgery on 10th.  Instead I was told to go straight to 10th to check in (despite my assertions to the contrary) and upon arriving at the surgery check in I repeated that I should go to N.M. Instead I was told that I needed to answer some questions then Jeff could join me.
I thought I was being led into an office room to answer medical questions but instead was shocked to be led into a large room with outdated curtains serving as "rooms" for patients all dressed in hospital gowns awaiting surgery. I sat there in what I now refer to as my Cancer Dress ( it is perfect for quickly undressing for these endless appointments) staring at old men. I've never felt like I didn't belong somewhere with more conviction.  I'm healthy, young, happy....why am I in this glorified holding area with sick old men and Croc wearing hospital staff? It was a lot of reality to process and there o was left alone to stare it right in the face. Finally after more than half an hour someone seemed to take notice of me. I told her I was told I had to answer questions before I could have my husband. She said that wasn't necessary and would get him. Having him sit beside me made every difference.
Nurses popped by to check vitals, ask me to pee in a cup, glamorous stuff like that. Then one finally came and was giving me the speech about what to expect in the O.R. She said it'd be just a few minutes more
Um, I still haven't been to Nuclear Medicine!
This seemed to be revolutionary news even though I'd been repeating it to anyone who would listen to me for 45 minutes.  They called down to the 3rd floor and exclaimed that the staff down there was waiting for me and I needed to hurry down.....this is disturbing. Had I not done my own research and known what to expect, they'd have taken me into surgery without any idea of which lymph nodes to biopsy!
Down in N.M. I met Dr.Sharf and his technician. They injected me with a radioactive dye directly above and below my melanoma site. Dr.S then massaged me to get the fluid going. There was a risk that because of my cancer's location it might not pick a direct route. Everyone drains to different lymph nodes,there is no hard and fast rule. This fluid is injected to show where my melanoma would have drained to in my body if it has indeed left the primary site. The idea is to isolate those specific lymph nodes and biopsy them to detect if spreading has occurred. Luckily the technique worked and the juice made a beeline for my right armpit. Dr.S held a wand up to me that beeped like a metal detector as it got closer and closer to the correct lymph nodes. I have to say it was pretty cool stuff and for at least a moment I was enthralled with modern medicine and my body's new Geiger counter skill.
Back up to 10th and we met with the anesthesiologist. He listened kindly to my concerns about intubation and also gave me a patch to help with nausea front the anastesia . He promised me he'd been doing this for 22 years and only he would insert and remove the tube. Then I handed my glasses to Jeff and kissed him goodbye.
I was led down a dark hallway into the bright, open OR. I could see the two tables I knew my body was meant for, since I'd be flipped from back to stomach and then on to my back again in order to operate on my head (basal cell),  under arm (sentinel lymph node biopsy), and back (melanoma).  Two men had their backs to me and one said hello, the Eastern European accent helped me determine that was my anesthesiologist. I stood there feeling small and scared. I remember a nurse taking my wrap off and guiding me to the table, politely holding the back of my dressing gown closed (though I was actually breaking the rule and was determined to keep my underwear on so no one saw my bottom when they flipped me). I layed down and Dr.Glasberg pulled my right arm out and started trying to locate the beeping lymph nodes. My left arm was pulled by the anesthesiologist as he looked for a vein. I realized I was flayed out in a cross and suddenly scenes of Passion of the Christ started running through my head! Someone was strapping my body in while another man was taping monitors to my chest. No one acknowledged me or spoke to me, I felt like a lab animal or a piece of meat waiting to be processed. So many strangers were touching me and yet no one saw me. It was horrible. I tried to muster out some words to my surgeon so at least he'd have to look at me but it wasn't very successful. Then the burn of the sleepy juice invaded my arm and an oxygen mask was put on my face. I began to cry and suck in air, refusing to close my eyes so they wouldn't mistake me for being out before I really was...
...and then someone was calling my name and I knew it was over. I reached my hand down to make sure they hadn't cut off my underwear and was happy to discover I'd beaten the system :).
I was freezing and my legs were shaking but no one noticed me. My arm hurt and I eventually started to groan to try and get a nurse to come over. It took a frustratingly long time to accomplish this task. I was given morphine and asked for my husband. Poor Jeff hadn't even been notified my surgery was over. The OR staff had just left and he was sitting in the waiting room worrying until I was able to get my bearings to request him.
A few hours later and I was dismissed and have been home since. The Scop patch proved a Godsend as I never got nauseous and the Vicodin was enough to manage my pain. My arm is a bit useless for the time being and I can't wait to properly wash my hair but recovery has been better than expected. The worst was actually my sore muscles. It felt like id been hit my a crosstown bus. Perhaps this was from being flipped repeatedly? I dont know.

Tomorrow we meet with the surgeon for a follow up. Most importantly, we should be told the results of the biopsy. This is a crucial step in staging my melanoma. If the biopsy is negative then I am indeed Stage 1. If the cancer has spread then a much scarier, more treacherous road is ahead of us. I'm frightened out of my mind. Jeff will be with me and I'm so grateful for it. This is our diagnosis, it is our life together that could be ravaged. I can't really prepare myself but I will be grateful for this night where I am suspended halfway between hope and fear since tomorrow could bring a new awareness of weights we do not yet carry.

My dermatologist went on vacation and all he brought me back was cancer

J and I went on a vacation down to Florida to play like children at Universal Studios and visit family and friends along the drive. We had the most magical time together. I was practically teary-eyed our last night at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. We'd laughed and run through lines to ride roller coasters and see cheesy shows. Standing in the cool evening air with a Butterbeer in hand and HP music drifting all around I did not want to leave. All my cares had been tabled for the week, we were consumed with each other and our happiness. I can't remember so many days in a row of being filled with so much gratitude for the life I share with my husband.

As we drove from Orlando to Savannah for the last evening of our private getaway, my dermatologist called.  I had been referred for a skin screening by my PCP in the Fall and had finally made an appointment for 2.12.  The derm removed a spot on my head that he said was most likely just a patch of rough skin as well as a mole on my back that he said was a bit darker than the others. "don't wait for bad news, I don't  think they'll turn out to be anything." Now I was suddenly being told that my biopsy results were not as assumed, "You have melanoma. You need to call Dr Glasberg to schedule surgery."

Less than a week later and I feel like I've aged 15 years.  Since that initial call I have also been informed that the spot on my head is a Basal Cell Carcinoma.  That's right, I've got TWO forms of skin cancer. I guess they were having a BOGO deal at the pathologist's office?  I've met my surgeon and will be going under general anesthesia for a 1.5 hour surgery that will include two Wide Local Excisions to remove the cancers and surrounding healthy tissue as well as a Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy.  Basically radioactive blue liquid will be inserted to determine which lymph node(s) my melanoma would most likely have been able to infect with cancer cells. They will be biopsied during surgery and removed if cancer is found.

My heart is broken. How did we get here and what will come next keeps rolling through my mind.  Surgery risks, scaring, recurrence, mestasis....death.

This day last week I was laughing with my husband on the Popeye water ride, today I'm trying to figure out what I want out of my life if there are only a few years left to us together.

If the surgery is successful and there is no mestasis to the lymph nodes then the percentage of Stage 1 melanoma survivors at 5 yrs is 98%.   That is such a better number than so many others have, and people keep saying "you'll be okay."  I don't feel okay. In my mind is the knowledge that for every 100 Emily's who are being told they will be okay there are two being buried in the ground and that 10 years  out more will join them.  I will do everything in my power to be healthy and proactive, but what if it isn't enough? How can I leave the love of my life when I've only just found him?  This can't be real. Other people get cancer. People who use tanning beds or smoke, people who don't respect their bodies and fill them with crap food or dangerous drugs. And now people like me, because melanoma is merciless. Every 8 minutes someone in the US will be diagnosed with melanoma and one of us will die every hour. GET.SCREENED

My surgery will take place next Wednesday and then we will have more information.  I will have another skin screening and biopsy more moles for  good measure. For now it is a waiting game and trying to measure my tears with reassurance. I will continue to share this journey in hopes it helps me process what is happening and that it might spurn others to have their skin checked.


If you'd like to leave comments of encouragement or helpful advice about surgery and/or skin cancers then please feel very welcome.  Stories of bad results and tragedy are not needed, it's hard enough to smile as it is right now.  Thank you

Little tweeks, big results

Little more than a week into my super clean committed eating and the results are quite impressive. In my early forays into Paleo the changes were slow to come. The scale didn't move much and although there was body composition changes (combined with CrossFit) I was frustrated that I wasn't seeing results akin to those vile 2AM infomercials. You know the ones...

This time around the scale is moving quickly. After 8 days I've seen a 5 pound loss. Now, I know this could be water weight and is definitely related also to hormonal fluctuations that we women are all blessed with but hey, somewhere in there is some unhealthy crap leaving my body and that is wonderful. #happycamper

Having been to the Paleo rodeo before is probably helping my pursuits. This time around:

 Fruit is in no way a regular item. I bought some medjool dates but am treating them like rare gold nuggets. I allow myself to eat one and savor every bite. My goodness, with making fruit a rarity these babies taste like the best French pastry! It's an awesome consequence. 

Also, veggies reign supreme. Many folks confuse Paleo as a spin-off of Atkins/Low Carb/Meatapalooza diets. Vegetables should be taking up way more room on your plate than anything else and we're really trying to make that a priority. Pack your freezer with organic frozen veggies and toss them in any stir-fry/grass-fed ground beef cookup on days when prepping multiple dishes for a meal just feels overwhelming. 

Those 2 tweeks plus lots of water and tea is really helping me. Being at home most days I would usually succumb to constant grazing but so far I'm really able to keep it together. I'm so motivated to meet my first goal of getting back into the 150's and that is just a few days' clean eating away :)

Have an awesome weekend and enjoy this photo from our Polar Vortex weather:

Are you snowed in tonight? Join me in the Frozen Apple.

It is very late here in Manhattan and so my sweet schoolteacher hub is fast asleep but I am gazing out at the white haze that is "Winter Storm Hercules." So far it isn't too bad. Although i'd like to share one of this city's many oddities: The Governor of NY has declared a State of Emergency due to the weather. 3 highways in the area have been closed due to hazardous travel AND YET: school is still in session! Our new mayor has told the citizens to stay inside during the storm but he wants teachers and students on their way tomorrow morning at 6am. Logical, right???  I'm hoping for a last minute dump of snow in the early morning so that maybe J will be allowed to stay home and play in the flurries with me. Snow in the city is a Godsend after all, everything is quieter and lovely. I'm looking forward to a long walk in Fort Tryon Park tomorrow to really enjoy the scenery. If you are ever on the island of Manhattan I suggest taking a stroll in this park that is often forgotten in comparison to the more centrally located (is that where they got the name?) Central Park. Tryon is much lovelier with grand views of the Hudson River and tons of small winding paths to follow.

ALSO, if you're ever in Manhattan check out HU KITCHEN.
New York City's 1st PALEO RESTAURANT!!!!!!!!!! Hu's team does a great job of really following Paleo food values. They even make their own almond milk so you won't find dairy or even carageenan anywhere. Their enchiladas are fantastic and they've got a great Thursday night Happy Hour with some pretty awesome beverages on tap including blackberry kombucha, which I have yet to try. It is pricey but the quality is there. If you need to eat clean and don't have time to prepare a meal then Hu Kitchen will keep you on the right path. I'm really proud of what co-owner Jordan (great guy, super fun to tweet at so give it a try) has done with this place and look forward to their growth both in popularity and in expanding their hot menu offerings. Hu's success is a great sign that Paleo is becoming mainstream and we are going to make true and effective change to the health of so many.

Today's noms included:
Brunch of 2 organic eggs with 2 pieces of uncured bacon plus half a cup of coffee with some grassfed milk.
Another organic orange and some dark chocolate.
Dinner was an awesome melange of grassfed beef with onions, turnips, small organic potatoes from our CSA and so many awesome spices.  Be well~*

Happy New Year!

The winter holidays are coming to a close. For J and I it has been delightful. We spent almost 2 weeks fully together enjoying Manhattan in its glorious Christmas season. We also decided, somehow, not sure when the train derailed....to buy a bag of flour (a first for me in YEARS) and do some baking.


I LOVE BAKING!

We made biscuits with fried chicken and gravy.
Blondies for a holiday party.
Sugar cookies for Santa.
Scones two ways with lemon curd and clotted cream.
Traditional meat pies.
More biscuits....

Not Paleo. Not even remotely healthy but oh so fun. Baking with traditional wheat flour is comfortably familiar to me. It's inexpensive, easy and for me serves as a creative outlet. Some people sketch. I bake. Hey, did I ever tell you that I won THE Bake Off contest for the Girl Scouts of the Colonial Coast in 4th grade? Cuz I did and it was a huge deal. Every year your age class would have a category (muffins, cookies, cakes, pies, etc) and each individual troop would have a baking contest. Those 1st place winners would then be entered into the annual bake off which included the winners from each troop in our whole region. Every year I wanted to win so badly but never seemed to make it. How my brown sugar topped blueberry muffins lost out to another girl's mealy yellow corn muffins still eludes me but I think it may have to do with the fact that the judges thought my mom was doing the baking for me and passed my Martha Stewart-esque creations over for a more believable entry *conspiracy*. But finally cake year ended up being my ticket to elementary school stardom. Everyone knew the cake category was THE one to win so when they called my name and I walked down that long auditorium to get my ribbon and gift while all of the girls cheered, damn it was good stuff. I was a very tall, very fat, very loud little girl. People don't give you standing ovations when you're that kid.So being the belle of the bakeoff for an afternoon meant everything to me. All that to say: I love baking. I'm good at it, my treats make people smile and give me compliments.
 Too bad WHEAT = DEATH

I was such a chubby Brownie GS that the uniform fits in adulthood. Check out my badges!

2013 was the first year I made no weight loss resolutions. I was the thinnest I'd ever been thanks to the wedding stress (literally, pounds DROPPED in the months up to the big day thanks to my Hell on Earth nightmarish wedding vendors at The Obici House and Ava Clara Bridal. Yes, they were that bad. But before I go down that rabbit hole: No weight loss goal was a great feeling. I was 100+ pounds down and I could find my size in any store. I even planned to gain a bit of weight. People close to me felt I was a bit too small and my once buxom bosom was a thing of the past. A little bump up the scale wouldn't be such a  bad thing. Trouble is I took way too much liberty and tasted my way around the 5 boroughs. It has been an awesome way to explore the city but I am feeling the consequences of the SAD diet and am all too happy to clean it up from now on.


OKAY, so, I'm up 25 pounds in 2013. Ouch. Oops. Did it to myself.
What am I gonna do about it? Eat the way my body needs me to.

So today we shared organic eggs, avocado and uncured bacon for brunch.
An organic orange was an afternoon snack.
Dinner was wild sockeye salmon with peas and rice mac.
Yes, rice mac n cheese is not Paleo. It is faileo. But it was in the cabinet so we used it as sort of a transition item/to get it out of the house. No more rice pasta for the rest of January, promise.

So that's me on this first day of the new year. Aiming for transparency, honesty about my feats and failures along the road back to ideal health and hopefully a few tasty food finds. Be well~*

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Savory Slow Cooker Short Ribs

Living in Manhattan isn't easy. You work A LOT so that you can afford the crazy sky high rent  and then by the time that and the basics (student loans!) are paid there isn't much left with which to indulge. I'm primarily in charge of grocery shopping and menu planning in our home so this is an area I look to for conservative spending. We eat a LOT of grass-fed ground beef ($6 per lb) as well as some chicken, bacon, canned salmon or maybe a filet of fish to shake things up. If it's clean and cheap it's getting served for dinner. This being the case, we don't get to eat much steak these days. When the Food Emporium was going out of business we stopped by the usually overpriced "gourmet" shop on the Upper West Side to snag a bargain. Happily, everything was discounted including meat so I grabbed up the last of the lamb as well as a pack of beef short ribs. Originally these were intended for a recipe from Well Fed but I got tired of waiting to amass the various ingredients and just went for it!

Now, as tends to be my style, there aren't exact measurements going on. Truth is, I didn't expect this to be a recipe worth sharing so I was just doing a quick cook up before rushing downtown. Honestly, you just don't need exact measurements for most recipes. As I was discussing with Stupid Easy Paleo, baking may be scientific but cooking is ART. It's a creation, unique, subjective to taste and almost entirely without rules (except, you know, don't get food poisoning). So here's what I did, a scoop here and a dash there. Bonus: the ingredient list is everything that you're sure to have in the pantry or fridge! Try it out  the next time you happen upon a sweet meat deal:

You'll be using two dishes for this one. The first is a skillet where the seasoning and browning is accomplished. I used a hefty scoop of Tropical Traditions Coconut Oil, got it nice and hot, then placed the ribs in, Salt and Pepper the raw sides before their turn in the oily hot tub. This process took about 10 minutes as I gave each of the 6 sides of the ribs a chance to brown. Towards the end of the process I sprinkled on Red Pepper Flakes and dried Thyme leaves. 

Fun Fact: heating herbs and spices helps release their full spectrum of flavor

Next comes the slow cooker. I covered the bottom of the basin with a small sliced Onion as well as a few peeled and cut organic Carrots. Place the short ribs on top of this veggie bed and make sure to pour all of that gorgeous coconut oil and newly rendered fat into the mix as well. Using half of a can of organic Tomato Paste and 1/2 cup Water that have been stirred together, pour it on top of the ribs. Toss in two Bay Leaves and a few Garlic Cloves, I had 6 left so that's what went in to the melange. 

Now for the easiest bit! Set the timer for at least 3 hours to as much as 5 hours and walk away. When you come back all of those herbs will have mixed together to create a heavenly smell in your kitchen, the fat and tomato sauce mix will be dancing together and the ribs will be in a state of thoroughly cooked-ness. At 3.3 hours our ribs were falling off of the bone but the meat was firm yet tender. If you want it to melt away in shreds then leave it be for a few more hours. Personally, we enjoyed being raucous cannibals with the chunks. I'd been liberal with the red pepper flakes so there was a nice warm burn that came at the end of each bite without being super spicy and the defining character of the dish. All of those carrots will be delicious so make sure to eat those up as well. To increase the veggie load these will be great with smashed cauliflower or maybe a sweet potato with some melted ghee. Since J had made some spicy. Eastern seasoned cauliflower we used that as a quick side plus an organic green salad of spinach and kale. Twas YUMMY, easy and a fun mix up from our routine. Let me know how this one works out for you and what modifications you made for your family's dinner. Eat well~*

Ain't she a beauty

V-Day Quickie

Ok, I have less than an hour to get prettified for my sweet husband who is about to whisk me off for an evening of romance. BUT I just HAVE to share this with you:

                                                 PALEO CHOCOLATE MOUSSE

I realize this is already out there 100 fold in the blogosphere but for whatever reason I didn't know about it so maybe you don't either.  If you're dealing with some serious cravings for an indulgent dessert and you're trying to be a goo dlil cave person and not even dip in to dairy then this is it.

No measuring necessary, just eyeball it to your taste and how much you want to scarf down. And this is yummiest when eaten cold.


Instructions:
Take the thick mass of coconut awesomeness from a can of full fat coconut milk (like Thai Kitchen).

Sprinkle in a bit of quality cocoa.

Drizzle a teensy dab of honey and mix it up.

DEVOUR & REPEAT

Mardi Gras (in my belly)

Look at all those fatty's!

I am massively susceptible to suggestion. This week combines both the celebratory awesomeness of Fat Tuesday & Valentine's Day. I'm subconsciously being driven mad to overindulge, especially on dessert. AND, because it is the aforementioned Carnival USA-style, I am compelled to believe that I totally deserve to indulge.

Well I don't, but I did.  There was an ice cream incident today that I'm not ready to go in to. Happierly (heck yes, made a new word) I also concocted a super indulgent yet nutritionally acceptable dinner for the sweet hubs.

Seriously, I pulled EVERY form of fatty dairy out of our fridge and used it to make a rice mac n cheese (Munster, Brie, grass-fed Cheddar. Cabot butter and Kerrygold unsalted). Brussels sprouts were sauteed in Hudson Valley duck fat. But the centerpiece of delectable yumminess was Lea Valle's Paleo Buffalo Chicken Nuggets. The recipe was spot on and really easy to execute. We didn't have any Frank's Red Hot on hand but there was a small bottle of Tabasco (going with the Louisiana theme!) that I subbed in and WOO were these babies spicy and on the money for flavor. Plus, ground chicken is really affordable even here in Manhattan.I served a small side of strong blue cheese & artichoke dip as a cooling side and because it just seemed appropriate. J seemed pleased with the line up and we both filled up very quickly on such rich fare. This is definitely not a meal to repeat weekly but we both did agree after licking our plates that we're ready to lighten up. Well, after the 14th of course ;)

Flattened balls of fire

A Case of the Mondays, or better yet: COMBATING THEM

Today I woke up after only 5 hours of sleep looking toward a long shift on a rainy day. I had to do TWO bank runs for the business, work even longer than scheduled and missed my night's free movie screening because I don't have any close friends in town yet that wanted to come along, plus work ran late so I missed the chance to go alone. One would think this could be summed up as a bad day, but it wasn't. I had a good Monday.

Perspective, attitude, optimism. We hear these buzz words over and over. Often we are told that life is how we approach it, not what happens to us. I guess that's true though sometimes it is just damn hard to push through the muck.

Here's what made my day great:

• I came in to work to find I was going to spend the day with some awesome colleagues

• Every customer that came in who I managed to connect with was noted as a victory in my mind. I may have been the only one cheering myself on but damn was I proud of myself. 

• A ridiiiiculously cute puppy came in to the shop and I allowed myself a few minutes to cuddle with him, no apologies

• All those trips to the bank gave me a chance to breathe some (relatively) fresh air and stretch my legs

• Extra work meant I earned enough to buy myself a special treat at the market

• Missing out on the free move screening meant I got to go home to my husband sooner

It doesn't work every time but if we can remind ourselves to keep pushing through then we're almost guaranteed to gain some ground, at least much more than if we just stand there frowning at the challenge.

BLIZZARD!

 early morning flake fest

Well, "Winter Storm Nemo" was threatening to be a behemoth but is shaping up as more of a welcomed excuse to head home early on a Friday. The snow is falling and plentiful in Manhattan but isn't threatening to trap us all in our buildings. As much as I'd love to have all of tomorrow to be cozy with my J, it looks like work will be all systems go.
Blustery winter days seem to entreat a hearty meal. I wholeheartedly offer Mark's Beef Burgundy as an absolutely delicious recipe to try out. it's incredibly rich with delicious chunks of beef in a salty think sauce. It cooks slowly over the course of a few hours, asking only to be tended to a few times throughout the day. Being that many of us are seeking respite from biting winds anyway, what's a few trips in to the kitchen? This is a great one to practice, master and incorporate into your rotation of winter warm-ups.

40 Days and 40 Writes

I've got this hang up where if I can't do something PERFECTLY then I shy away from it outright. It's a really wanky tick and completely self sabotaging but it seems to be my schtick.It was a recurring excuse when it came to my weight loss based on the premise that I hadn't begun my new diet (whatever it was at the time) on an even date, usually the first of the month. Yes, silliness. And so the same has persisted with my blogging. Indeed I was very busy wedding planning and then getting married and then cutting my hair ;) followed by MOVING to NYC and starting a bold and brand new life with my wonderful husband...all great excuses for getting sidetracked. Yet always, always it has been n my mind that I should be writing. After we began to make our home together Jeffrey told me how much he wanted me to get back to writing. And I have shyer away from it because I didn't know where to start. "I have to talk about our wedding first." A month later, "I need to review this Fall festival fare before I can go into holiday cooking." Well with those ever increasing limitations I seemed to be digging a grave for my blogging desires. So we'll start here and now. It's Lent! I'm promising to write every day. Let's see where this road leads.

ROAD TRIP!

My amazing bridesmaids are whisking me away to Atlantic City for a weekend of bachelorette goodness!
As the wedding is 15 days away (OHMYGOODNESS) I am trying to stay on track so that my very unforgiving wedding dress will fit come "I Do" day.  Road trips always used ot be my excuse to pig out on fast food. I loved a Hardee's Chicken Biscuit or grabbing a Dary Queen Blizzard. Well, no more. No more poison and no more crap.  To fuel our journey I've packed mostly Paleo goodness that I hope my ladies will enjoy as much as I do. On board for this weekend is:

• Bananas
• Coconut water
• Water water
• Organic apple sauce
• Dried peaches
• Potato chips cooked in olive oil
• Lightly salted, roasted almond,
• Larabar
• Pecan crackers
• Dark chocolate PB (all natural atleast)
• Pork Rinds, oh yes, we're going there!
• Organic beef jerky and turkey jerky
•  Apple Cider Vinegar for general wellness, vitamins and fish oil

Yum yum! What do you like to travel with when traveling and keeping it clean?

Even our salad is in love!

Oh, hey look, I have a blog! How is everyone's 2012 going? Mine is a whirlwind! Exciting news: in March Jeffrey proposed!!! Our wedding is in mid-September so we're halfway through the engagement period. It has been a very interesting experience: emotional roller coaster, surreal and STRESSFUL.

It's silly that the most joyous day of one's life would drive a girl so absolutely bonkers. I've allowed subconscious anxiety to creep up on me and it has effected my sleep patterns, diet and daily activities. Panic attacks, clammy hands, racing heart beat and stomach aches: ridiculousness.  I finally decided that I have to be brave within and push through. I've always been open about periodic anxiety, but I consistently succumb to the physical reactions. This time I'm taking a cue from my great aunt who is living with leukemia: the woman never complains. I am hoping that by asserting my inner strength I can override the scary things that happen when my self panics.   In the past week since adopting this mentality it has really helped. I'm not mean to myself, but I remind my consciousness that life is beautiful, I am well and the day will go on beautifully.   This won't work for everyone, but it's always best when you can take control of a manifested situation.

I've been much more strict with my diet lately, avoiding excess sugar as much as possible hoping that the healthier my body is the less I can let myself worry about. Do you have issues with anxiety and/or panic disorders? Do you feel that a Primal or Paleo diet has impacted those reactions? 

Bonjour mes Amis!

I'm Alive! Whew, been gone far too long but my oh my what an adventure it has been. About a month after my last post I was offered a position to sing in a music festival in France. So I upped and quite my job, hopped on a plane and spent the summer overseas.

Now I'm home and trying to re-acclimate to life here. I've scrounged up a few PT jobs (thankfully they're both pretty fun ones) and am slowly getting back to my old schedule. I haven't returned to CrossFit since moving home and that's pooey. I thought I would be back in the box the week after I got back but the laziness generated by temporary unemployment and a pansy-a$$ fear of having to start all over with my body conditioning have kept me from rolling up and getting down to the 3...2...1... "Excuses are a heavier burden than any barbell."

Good News: I've convinced my family to go Paleo for 3o days!!!!! They are on day 4 and dealing with it ok. The finite rules seems to be escaping them and they certainly aren't gung-ho about this but I think that as time progresses they will see that the food going in truly affects not just the waistline but the whole body.

Need some motivation? These guys seem pretty enthusiastic about what you eat.

So now that I'm home and no longer under the regime of evil firewall land, I hope you'll join me in continuing to reach for healthy goals and cooking up delicious things.

Who has a Fall/Winter goal to achieve?

Is it Friday yet? YES!!!

Seems I've let the bulk of the week go by with no posts. Corporate updated our Firewall at work and now none of us can access any of the fun sites and that includes no Blogger.com

I was horrified.

My favorite co-worker and I are seeking a way to circumvent this Berlin Wall of web communication: freedom will come soon my friends.

It's been a good week. Not that life has been amazing but more that I've been reaping the fruits of my efforts. The scale has moved down by 2lbs which has refreshed my fervor to attain my ultimate goal. I've also been making it a priority to get more sleep. #killyourtv has been a contributing factor plus I've been avoiding the interwebs directly before bed time. Having averaged 7 hours a night it has been so much easier to get up for my 5am WODS and face the work day.

The office staff is going out for lunch today on the company dime so I picked a steakhouse. It may not be grass-fed but alteast I managed to divert them away from talk of Hooters. Now how tacky would it be to order the filet mignon?

All the best: Go conquer the day!

Weekend Wrap-Up

It didn’t rain on Saturday. The weather was actually quite lovely. My knee-jerk reaction was that I should go out and work in the yard or go ahead and clean my car but (with a little help from Jeffrey) I stayed true to the plan.

By early afternoon we set to the task of re-creating Mark Sisson’s primal take on Boeuf Bourguignon. The only diversion from Julia Child’s original recipe is to substitute almond flour. We were also sure to use unsalted Kerrygold butter and grass-fed stew meat. Since J is not a fan of traditional bacon I bought beef bacon. It seemed to be a good substitute, though the product is far leaner than it's porky counterpart. Mid-cooking we made the unlucky discovery that the mushrooms I’d bought the day before had gone quite bad. Everyone at home forbade me to run out to the store (probably because I was supposed to be taking it easy?) so I was only able to include one third of the recipe’s actual mushroom requirement. In the end we had a delicious meal (I'm enjoying the leftovers right now *yum*). I do think it would have benefitted from more shrooms and I’d definitely use a low sodium beef broth next time. Another idea from the taste testers was to use a bit more butter in the cooking process and perhaps serve the dish alongside smashed cauliflower. As is, our meal was full-bodied and very satisfying. It was a lengthy process but not difficult. During the in-oven cooking time we all sat outside and played card games. It was such a wonderful day, as indulgent as the dinner. After such a luxurious weekend I have decided to make this a priority in the future. I’m so much more rested and Monday doesn’t feel like a slap in the face. Plus, the opportunity to play with more complicated recipes is very attractive. How did you spend your weekend?

Is Jason Voorhees a fan of Paleo?

It’s Friday the 13^th I wonder if Freddy Keugel will haunt my dreams?

“I see SAD people.”

All bad Paleo joking aside, Happy Friday! We’ve made it to the weekend; two whole days to do with as we like. Personally, my weekends tend to be a whirlwind of chores, church and social events. I rarely score a full 8 hours of rest each night and tend to bluster in to Monday quite fulfilled from the good times but partly drained by my whirling dervish ways.

It’s vitally important to embrace rest. Our society loves to compare accomplishments by way of self-flagellation. Have you ever noticed that if you casually mention you were up late the night before working on a project then someone is all too quick to retort “I only slept 3 hours last night, was cleaning my whole house and writing the next great American novel!”

Accomplishment is a wonderful thing. What are we here for if not to produce a product; be it a family or mastery of one’s chosen career? Every day I try to move forward, to improve my body, my mind and my relationships. I wasted too many years losing the days in a whirlwind of mindless television and binge eating. Today, I’m not perfect, but I am ever improving and having the most wonderful time. Each day is vital, a chance to evolve, and I keep that as encouragement not to lose momentum. Conversely, we can take that zeal too far.

Rest is essential. Our bodies require sleep to function at optimum levels. But beyond that, our brains need down time too. 8 hours in bed and 16 hours of cooking, cleaning, working, exercising, hand shaking, party hopping, baby wrangling…..it’s taxing! And day after day of this, even with RX’d sleep, will render you exhausted in many facets. Eventually we must be honest with ourselves. Productivity feels great but machines we are not. Be willing to say no. Admit that you need to skip a party to pull on your pj’s and read a book instead. Realize that a missed workout is not a terrible thing if it’s occasional. Allow yourself to be fragile at times.

Tomorrow in my region thunderstorms are predicted. Initially I furrowed my brow and pondered how it would affect my day’s flurry of planned activities. Now, I have resolved to rest. I’m ignoring my planner and instead it will be a day of slow movement and slow cooking. Yes, there are chores that need to be done and my car requires some serious cleaning out but so does my brain. It’s going to be a day of good music and quality time with the people in my life.

Whatever is on the books for you this weekend I hope you’ll grant yourself a few moments of stillness, then go conquer the world. Enjoy~*

And the winner is

ERIN!

Congratulations, you're the winner of FIVE packs of Grass-fed Paleo Stix from Steve's Original.

Thank you to everyone who entered and for your very kind comments, I hope you'll all feel welcome to keep chiming in feedback whenever you pop by.




Erin, please disclose your mailing address to me and your goodies will be on their way! operaismyopium@hotmail.com

Last Chance

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

I hope the weather is as gorgeously sunny where you are as it is for us. I ache to be outside 24/7 with these warm, breezy days. Never has the unnatural circumstance of a chair and fluorescent lights been more evident to me.


This is just a reminder that there is ONE DAY left to enter the FREE GIVEAWAY for Steve's Original Grassfed Paleo Stix. Just comment here and tomorrow I'll announce the lucky winner. No gimmicks, no mandatory blog following, just a thank you for popping by and a reminder that Girl Meats Paleo is now hanging about on Twitter.


Make this day a great one. Express gratitude to the people in your life, hug somebody, move your limbs and eat whole foods. Enjoy it~*

Chicken Tostadas

Still can't get the awesomeness of Jeffrey's Cinco de Mayo dinner off my mind. It was so delicious and satisfying. If you're craving a meal that is muy delicioso try this one out. There are a few steps but it's really worth the effort when the craving for a Mexi night comes along.


Tortillas (per tortilla, J prepared three):
2 heaping tablespoons/3 tablespoons of almond meal
2 egg whites
Olive oil

Combine almond flour and egg whites, slowly adding water and whisk until mixture is less than lumpy and not quite runny.
Pour a capful (J's favorite measuring implement) of oil into your skillet to lightly coat the surface
Once pan is warm add mixture and use a spatula to spread it thinly
After 1 minute on high heat, flip tortilla to other side
When golden brown on each side place on paper towel to cool
*these are heartier and will only become so thin, expect it to be more like a pancake's thickness which makes them perfect for those hearty toppings

The Yummy:
Whole chicken
1/2 white onion, julienned
1/2 each of a red, yellow and green bell pepper
8 0z (half carton) of sliced mushrooms, try button or baby bella
Red pepper flakes
Chili powder
Paprika
Fresh cilantro

Bake chicken, or grab a quick a rotisserie bird at the local store, then strip the meat excluding the breasts (save these for another meal)
In skillet, saute bell pepper medley, onions, and mushrooms until softened.
Add red pepper flakes, chili powder, paprika, and cilantro . These amounts are unspecified, cater them to your tastes. Now finish cooking the veggies before incorporating chicken meat for a final stir.

Assembly:
1/3 lb sliced Habanero cheddar cheese
fresh chives

Place tortillas on a baking sheet and top with half of the cheese
Pile on the chicken&veggie mixture then top with remaining cheese slices
Add a few long strands of chives and place in oven at 350 for 15 minutes or until cheese is well melted on top.

This recipe serves 3. We plated it along with a refreshing guacamole salad. The third tostada made for an excellent lunch the next day at work, it warmed-up fabulously. Enjoy~*